Bruce Jenner almost made me cry.

Today has been a nice bummy day. Now I find myself watching Khloe Kardashian's wedding to Lamar Odom on E! Anyway these past 3 months have been super stressful with school, work, and this shitty economy. Not to mention I'm a total worry wort about my dad all the time. I worry too much. It needs to stop.
Other than that good things have happened. I decided to take it upon myself to plan a family reunion for July'10 in Guadalajara. We'll see how it goes. Also last tuesday I met Wes Anderson and Jason Schwartzman. hmmm... my grades are pretty good. The only class I am concerned with is my research methods class. What hasn't happened is a little something called working out. I need to get back there ASAP. I have a wedding to be in in about 4 weeks or perhaps 8 weeks, who knows. Monica and Aaron are having a hard time trying to set a date. OK I was just checking in. I gotta get back to this wedding on tv.

Carried-away

Well I finally watched the Sex and the City movie, which I shouldn't say "finally" about, I should say "actually". I never even watched that show for more than 5 minutes. I am not a girls' girl and I don't have one night stands or dream about haute couture. After Jesse and I got home from El Taconazo I turned the TV on and gave that movie a shot. It's OK for what it's worth, it's a movie for women who are obsessed with other womens lives. I am not really interested in the personal lives of women because I just don't get women. It may sound stupid but I'd say women are wacky. Too emotional for me, not enough logic. I know this sounds like I'm bashing my own kind but I am not. It's all true. I will stop the women hating now, I mean they're not all horrible. I have about 6 or 8 good women friends (most of whom I don't see more than once or twice every 2 months). Women friendships require a lot of attention, and luckily my friends are either busier than me, or in another zip code.
Today was hot as all hell here in good ol' Burbank. The fires have created a huge cloud of ash and smoke to fill my landscape. My lungs are probably filled with nasty carcinogens at this point, but not having AC requires that I leave my windows and doors open. I'm going to try my best to make it to the beach tomorrow. I should get out of the Valley and onto the coast. I have loads of reading to do for class and the beach maybe the place to get it all done.

wacky wednesdays.

I took a test for the L.A. Dept. of Health today. Apparently they liked my application for the Spanish Medical Interpreter position so they called me in for a test. I showed up at the office along with 15 other women and possibly one dude, (not that he was possibly a dude, but there was at least one dude there, maybe two, who cares, anyway) we line up and are taken into the room and are handed an exam. My exam consisted of a 2 paragraph medical consent form in English. I was given 30 minutes to translate it into Spanish. A breeze, right? Well not really. I totally choked. Not completely but on the last sentence which said something to the effect of "...will be deemed advisable". How do you say deemed in Spanish??!! I was screwed. I tried to B.S. my way out of it so we'll see if I get called back for the second exam. The second exam is a verbal exam which will be a breeze because that's what I used to do when I worked for the hospital. ANYWAY after that I went to work and asked myself why I did. I had just come back to work after a few days away and things at work are a little odd lately. We got new CEO and she's moving shit around. "Restructuring". OK i just lost my train of thought. BBL.

August. Finally.

The summer has had it's ups and downs. The downs have definitely outweighed the ups. Last week my dad had a stroke. To those who know him it didn't come as too much of a surprise. He's drinks, he smokes, he's hot tempered and lives on a red meat diet. His mother died from heart disease and he never, ever sees a dr. With all of this said you'd think I would have taken this event a lot lighter, but I didn't. It totally served as a wake up call. Wake up and make your dad proud, sort of wake up call. Hurry and appreciate him while he's alive, be sure and spend more time with him, etc... I will admit I am not the best daughter, I mean our relationship was a total mess for about 10 years of my life and I can say that I felt hate towards him at times. Now that I am older I understand things a bit better and accept the fact that parents aren't perfect. We shouldn't judge them or their decisions, we should just be happy we moved out of the house (for those of us who have managed to move out). Anyway I have to make more of an effort to spend time with my dad, and mom.

quiet riot.

I often find myself wondering why I even come in to work. For example today, my boss is out of town, and my 2 supervisors are away. I'm done with most of my assignments, and have a lot of quiet time due to my efficient-ality. Yeah it's totally a word. If only I had more vacation time racked up I could take a few days off and watch loads of tv, or spend sometime cleaning out my kitchen, pantry, and counters (tv sounds so much better).
Not too much has happened in the last few weeks. School is out and I got my grades, 2 A's and a C. I think the C is there to keep me grounded. Whatever, I could have gotten an A but I was totally lazy and tired of the professor who makes the students teach the class so he can just come in stoned everyday and rant about how the government is not our friend. I believe that, but he's borderline anarchist.
Jesse has a big interview today, everyone must send positive vibes! He's so cute, I love him. Last night, I helped him find an outfit for today's interview and he was so proud of himself because he found pants which bring out a subtle hint of charcoal in his tie. And who says my overloading on What Not To Wear doesn't contribute to society?! So anyway, I hope he gets this job. It will make him happier, and he'll get to learn more and use stuff he learned in school this past semester. The interview is at 2:00 and it's barely 10:05 and I'm nervous for him.
The Lakers are doing a spectacular job again so we've been spending a lot of time watching them on tv. My Lakers crush (aside from handsome Kobe) Sasha Vujajic (sp?) isn't doing so well. I hope he whips himself into shape because I wanna see him enjoy his championship. I may even make it to the Laker parade. Anyway, that was kind of odd but whatever I hope they win.
This week will be pretty mellow. The craziness of all of my recent health scares is over and looks like i'm alright. I have been feeling some dull annoying pain (it doesn't hurt but it does annoy) on the right side of my upper abs (yeah, my buff ass abs lol). I don't want to scare myself by spending hours on Webmd. But if the pain continues I'm gonna go see the dr. Bleh.
My new tv obsession is Obsessed on A&E. Ironic, no? Watch it.

Dun duh duh dun.

School is pretty much done for the semester. It sure did fly by. Tomorrow I just have to turn in my final paper and that's it. Today I have the day off and I feel like I should be doing something but I'm still in bed. I watched a lot of Bravo, and now I'm listening to the new Wilco album which is so far so good. Not spectacular but maybe it will grow on me.
Things have been pretty relaxed lately except for a tiny scare I had on Monday. I went to my well woman yearly exam and the n.p. thinks she felt something in each of my boobs so she's sending me to get an ultrasound. I'm not worrying yet, but it is sitting in the back of my mind. It could be hormonal, it could be a cyst, and yes it could be a cancerous growth but I'm not going to think that. I'm going to wait and see what I am told next Friday. Chances are it's hormonal. The chances of breast cancer at 28 are not likely but not unheard of either. I do take the pill and have been taking it for 7 years so that is a contributing factor. For now, I'll just see what happens.
This weekend I get to go to San Diego and hangout with my mom, mich, and monica. Last weekend I went with Monica to get her gown. I like it. It's good for her height, and skin tone. Now she just needs to find a location. She was going to do Vegas but now that's iffy.

Keeping in touch.

I haven't written a blog in a while, and that's because things have been looking up. Usually when I write blogs it's because I'm angry or sad and need a release. However, that's not the case today. I am kind of just checking in. I found this website called Plinky that's supposed to help with writer's block. That's where my previous post about Light in the Attic came from. I'm going to keep logging on to Plinky because it makes for good practice.
In the past few weeks things have been better. Work is no longer a pain, school is down to the last 3 weeks, my spending is in check, and my debt has decreased. I feel good overall but I do find myself missing my family a lot more. Maybe it's a good thing that there aren't any summer classes available for me to take. This will hopefully allow me to visit them more often.
I took a break from everything last week and headed out to Coachella with Jesse, Jr., and Kim. The desert is so great. It's just this vast arid place filled with elderly folks who aren't phased by shit. I admire that about the elderly. I am not phased by much but there are still those few things that get me. Ignorant people, unhappy people, bad vibes, bills, and exercise. I'm not the best person in the world but I do work on it and most people don't. It's sad to lead a life where you think your shit doesn't stink yet you're so full of shit it plugs up your nostrils. I don't know if that made sense or if it was stupid but whocares, you get it.

A Light in the Attic brings me back

It reminds me of fun times. Innocent laughs, & grade school friends.

Poor.

I'm super broke lately. Money lasts' about 30 minutes in my account and then bam! it's gone. It's not like I have been shopping or getting massages, I just don't know wtf happens to my pay check. This whole furlough thing has really taken a dump in my wallet. I can't even have lunch out of the office once a week like I used to. The other crazy thing is that my debt is totally out of hand too. I was doing so well not charging stuff, and making big payments on my cards but since October when I got in the car accident and paid the 1000 buck deductible, and then flew to Mexico to be at my grandfather's funeral my balance has not gone down. This weekend when I was in San Diego I treated myself to 2 cd's and I kinda wish I hadn't. Who buys cd's nowadays, I know. I do. I also buy lp's, but that's another story. I haven't bought any clothes in months and I was hoping to do so before our little Coachella outing. I just wanted a nice comfy dress and a new backpack. I will be frequenting the beach a lot this summer and will need a backpack to stuff with lotions and a beach towel. I know how lame. Whatever. I have money in savings but I don't want to take it out and pay my credit cards because I may need that cash for other stuff. But who am I kidding? Monica's wedding isn't till September so that does give me some time to save. I hate worrying about money. I have still been looking for other jobs but I have not had any luck. At times I think about going back to A+ but I think it would be a step back. I need at least 2 years of non-profit experience if I want to try and get my MPA once I graduate. I know I haven't even gotten my bachelors and I am already thinking about an MPA. I hope we get a 2 million dollar donation at work so that I can get a raise this year. This is my second year w/o a raise. Shitty. Shitty. SHIIIITTY. All my friends get raises and bonuses and I get neither. waa waa waaaah!

Patterns.

So Thursday I skipped school and went to happy hour with Jesse and some of his family, and had some really strong margarita's. Friday I got a great buzz and sang Tone Loc's Wild Thing during karaoke at the Smog Cutter, last night was a family party where I almost had more booze but decided not to because I started to see a pattern. I went from 1 beer a year to a 6 pack a month. I know it doesn't sound like a lot but for me it is. I'm the daughter of one of the greatest drinkers I know who comes from a long line of alcoholics. It's easy to take drinks and feel good because it really does take some of the week's stress away. I understand why people turn to drugs, because it's numbing and kinda fun. The hangover wasn't good though.
If I would have gotten some of the news I got on Saturday, on Friday you bet your ass I would have been shitfaced at the bar on Friday not just buzzed. My dad is back to his old casanova habits, and his life is being threatened in places he is all too familiar with. No news on my grandma yet, but they say no news is good news right? Yesterday after I spoke to my sister and got the shitty news, I took a long walk to the bank where I had to transfer some cash. On my walk I just prayed and had a super long conversation with God. Yeah I'm a believer. Who knows who or what God is, but I do believe there is one.
Anywhoo...Tomorrow starts a new week of work, and school. The routine is way past old but it's sort of comforting. This friday I have another furlough day, and I will try and put some stuff up on Ebay. I have some hoodies, some shoes, and some bags that I could do away with. I may take a trip to the American Way and see if I can invest 10 bucks into my Ebay venture. 4 days of work as opposed to 5 sounds great. My pay check may be shitty but it's kind nice to have that extra day to just sleep in or whatever.

no title

I know I constantly bitch about work in the writing but honestly, it's bad. The past two days have been craptastic. I try to ignore the situation and go about my business but it's hard. The fact is that I am over worked, under paid, and highly stressed. As if work weren't enough to make me lose it, today I got a call from my mom to let me know that my grandma has a brain tumor. She's 91, and lately she's been having vision problems. On her most recent examination the dr. looked into possible reasons why her vision is screwed and they found that what she has is a tumor which is pressuring some nerves which could even cause her to go into a vegetative state. Crazy. Surgery at her age is very dangerous as well but she is willing to take her chances. God bless her. I hope things turn out for the best. She's a tough cookie but since she lost my grandpa in October things have gone down hill.
School on the other hand doesn't stress me out. School makes me want to be a better person. I like it.
Today I went to Jesse's basketball game and of course they lost as usual (no really, it's ok, they always lose, they have embraced it). As his game came to an end and the next two teams showed up for their game I couldn't help but notice that the dude from Desperate Housewives was on one of the teams. His name is James Denton. He's kinda cute but not really. He's thin and way Anglo. no bueno.

spelling

I got an email back from the woman whom I interviewed with last week and she said she thought I was a good fit, so she would be contacting my references. Today while I was in the valley office and my references were in the L.A. office they each got a call. One gave me a stellar reference but the other stated that I made spelling errors, when she was asked what my areas of improvement were. I dunno how to feel about that. Spelling errors? That makes me sounds like a dip shit who can't use spell check. Then again it also could seem like I'm so awesome that I only need to improve on menial shit. She also gave me a 9 on a scale of 1-10, because in her world "no one is perfect", yes that may be true but can you lie? Shit. Perhaps there's some hating going on there but oh well. I dunno but I hope it goes through with this job. I hope it pays a crap load more than what I make now. It will definitely help if it does because I was just told we have more furloughs, and to tell you the truth working there sucks now. Morale is low, there's no room for growth, no raises, no nothing. I am not learning a damned thing and I don't even make an effort to impress my boss anymore. I feel like I am stuck in a rut and with my self diagnosed ADD I need things to remain fresh and new. Send positive thoughts please.

er.

I just got out of the ER for food poisoning this morning around 7:00 however, there's this man eating a whopper sitting directly infront of me at school and it looks damn good. I haven't had a friggin burger in over a month. Once my stomach is back to normal, it's time. Ok enough about that I gotta get to class.

Recession, schmrecession.

This morning I called in sick to work and went on a job interview. I think the interview went well. This job would be great for me because it's less hours at a higher pay, and I'd be back in a hospital setting. I will find out if I am the next Patient/Guest Relations/Volunteer Coordinator on friday. Send good vibes. Work is really stressing me out lately. I need to get out of that darn office. It's really becoming toxic.
Today I presented a power point presentation on Telecommunications to my 4:00 class. I lagged on it sooo bad but I got an A! I really feel that things are turning around for me, for the better. On Saturday I went to visit my mom and we hit up the casino, where I won about 200 bucks but gave some back to my mom and then threw some back in the machine, so all in all I walked away with 60 bucks. Not bad. On sunday we hit up the swap meet and bought some plants. After that we headed to Neiman Marcus (talk about range) and my mom bought me the new Damier Louis Vuitton Neverfull, Large! WTF?! I kinda felt bad about accepting that bag but then I thought fuck it, I deserve it. Yeah that's right we may be in a friggin economy, I may be on the verge of losing my job but who can't use a $780.00 handbag? Ha! She said to accept it as a late birthday and christmas gift so I did! I feel like a jerk carrying it sometimes, but then I think I'm 28, working on Wilshire, indpendent (except for when it comes to buying louis vuitton), and I should totally be carrying around a nice bag. The times of totes and messengers is over! OK enough about that, but I do feel that my luck is improving.
Tomorrow begins lent and I have no idea what I am giving up. I think I am giving up soft drinks. Wish me luck.
Currently I am sitting in the student food court watching Obama's first address to congress and he just said "...tax cuts starting April 1st" AMEN! Too bad I live in California where taxes are going up. I just hope we get out of this situation soon. OK i gotta get going. One more class left today.

today was not so bad.

I weighed myself and I weigh 5-6 to lbs less than I did a year ago which is fantastic! I wish it'd be 10-15 lbs less but hey, i like croissants a little too much, and the gym hasn't become an official part of my weekly routine. I go 2 times a week, i'd like to go 3 or 4. But whatever, I'll take a weight loss over a weight gain anyday.

I just took my first test for my online class which isn't too terrible. It was quite easy, and we get 2 hours to do it and since the teacher can't see me I have my books wide open on my kitchen table.

Yesterday we got more bad news at work. FURLOUGHS!!! aahahahahaaaaaaaaa! One friday a month for the next 4 months. I hope it doesn't go past 1 a month. I don't even mind if it's one friday a month for the rest of the year, that way I can have more time to dick around with my non 9-5 working friends and also get more reading done. I won't be able to save as much, which totally sucks because I had serious trip taking plans for oct. 2010. Osaka Japan for my 30th Birthday! It'll be a dream until this economy improves, or at least my personal economy improves. Nothing last forever, this too shall pass, etc, etc.... I also have to give up my Blackberry. I know!! I'm totally preparing for withdrawls. L.A. without my Blackberry. I get sad just thinking about it. Oh well, we must make sacrifices. In other positive news Kelly got a new apt! Woot woot! I hope this place is a real fresh start for her. She deserves more than most people I know and she works hard too. Life gets her in all kinds of pickles but she pulls through.

okie doke, I gotta go watch top chef.

A few thoughts...

While watching the Grammy's I find myself wondering...
...Did Jennifer Hudson get sympathy votes?
...Did Chris Brown beat the shit out of Rhianna? Maybe he did it with an umbrella, ella-ella-eh! It has been real rainy here in L.A. for the past 2 days.
...Is Whitney back on crack or just preferring a shit load of downers and vodka these days?
...Is Justin Timberlake white? Why does he dance so well? Why does he sing so well? Why is he likable?
More thoughts on the way.

this time around...

I decided that since this is the last time I will drop in and out of college. I'm here for 2 years maybe 2.5 and I am out. So being that I will be here for 2 years or so I decided to become a bit more active and join a club or something. I am usually the last mofo to sign up for extra curricular activities, but I am hoping this will boost my resume and add to my networking contacts. Hell, I may even make a friend. Yeah, no, actually skip the hopes of making friends but it will make my resume look better and I will have people to chat with about which professors to avoid. So what did I join??? I joined the CSUN Planning Student Association or something close to that. We're all a bunch of Urban Studies and Planning kids trying to get more recognition for our awesome department. I hope that I can actually make it to meetings. So far there has only been one meeting, they are a brand new club. So it might be kind of exciting to start this grassroots type of thing. Anyhow, I have a few projects I need to get started on, and A LOT of reading I need to catch up on. I wish I could call in sick tomorrow. hmmm.... nope. Now is not the time to call in sick. I value being employed and I need to act like it.

updates.

Junior year of college at CSUN has officially begun. It's not as exciting as it sounds. Work is really dragging me down these days. There's too much of it, and since there is so much of it I find myself screwing up a lot more often. I need to relax, and prioritize. I'm so concerned with getting things done that I keep screwing up. Tomorrow will be better, I know it will.
So far my classes are a breeze. They'd be even more of a breeze if I'd remember to bring my glasses. I keep forgetting them and I end up squinting for 80 minutes. My online class is going real well too. Ironically enough that's the class with the most work. I thought it was going to be 2 paper kind of class but I was wrong. Back to work...
I am currently applying for different jobs. My job is sooo unstable right now it's not even funny. I guess most people's are at this time. The economy is in real shitty shape. I am trying not to give into the hype because regardless of the economy my ass always lives pay check to pay check. It's tough to watch the news these days. Today some man killed his wife and 5 kids because they had just both lost their jobs. Didn't he ever think of looking for another job? Hadn't he heard of temp agencies? This shitty economy is not the end of the world, it's just time to start new budgets and living within our means. I will now go to class and begin the squinting.

burn after listening

So at today's baby shower for our public policy director (right after lunch, in the conference room), my co-woker (a middle aged mother of two who is going through a divorce) approaches me and asks me if I am familiar with Chuck Klosterman. I told her that yes, unfortunately I am familiar with him. When I was interning for Vibe and Spin he was still at the Spin office. Anywho apparently, he became a writer, a writer of books. In one of those books he "digs deep" into the oddity that is Morrissey's latino fan base. big whoop, so 10 years ago. Anywho she proceeded to tell me that she was reading this book and she thought of me. I was a little irritated but since I am the little Mexican Morrissey fan in the office, why not? The shoe fits. right. no. Anyway, I told her that I hadn't read his book but that I was sure he stated the reasons why us brownies love him so much as being... being the children of immigrants, feeling like an outsider, being passionate, digging 50's cinema, love for classic hollywood style, and of couse loving James Dean. She said "yes! you are right on!". I told her that for me my love was just based on good music and none of those ridiculous reasons. I shared with her that I remember hearing Unhappy Birthday when I was 14 on 91x in San Diego and thinking "this song is fucken awesome, who sings this". The real obsession began my senior year of high school, and since then has not come to an end. I don't care for James Dean, and being the child of immigrants doesn't make me feel like an outsider. Afterall this was Mexico, immigrants whatever. I grew up in towns where Spanish was spoken all the time, my English is awesome, and I don't feel like I have to prove anything to anyone other than myself. OK so I digress, I asked my co-worker if she had ever heard of the Smiths and she said "hmmm, the name sounds familiar". So I came home today and burned her a few Smiths cd's. I don't know if I am helping her or hurting her. Once you start you can't stop when it comes to the Smiths. Especially when you are going through a period of despair. She will either love it and want more or be shocked by it and spread rumors that I am depressed. Oh well, I will take my chances.

4.5

That was the magnitude of the earthquake that Jesse and I just felt while sinking our teeth into fish tacos at Rubio's in Glendale. None of our friends or family members felt it, I am assuming... because we didn't get any follow up calls.
Great... I forgot to buy Ziggy a net. I was just at Target, oh well. I am not fit to be a fish owner. There has been a lot of drama in the past 2 days and perhaps that is the reason I am forgetful. Sharon (my supervisor), Deon (fellow assistant), Jason (fellow assistant), and Michelle (assistant/confidant) all got laid off yesterday. I can't even begin to express how horrible it felt to watch those news be delivered to each and everyone of them. Our HR person at work is not the best. She means well, and as a former HR assistant I know HR is not easy and you have to have a mean face, but they way that these co-workers of mine were informed that they were being laid off was terrible. Not only was it done at 9:30 A.M. but it was down right embarrassing. We (the 5-8 people that sit in my area) did not need to see all of this go on, whatever happened to getting a phone call and being asked to "please come to my office" at the end of the workday. I thought I worked at a non-profit where people have compassion. Apparently not.
So what do these lay off's mean to me? More work. I am now drowning under more stacks of files, registration forms, emails, memo's, and minutes. Why do I stay? Am I masochistic? Yes, to a certain degree. I think I have to draw the line soon though. It's just so hard for me to leave this bunch of co-workers. They are all good people who make bad decisions due to wearing hearts on sleeves, and those hearts are hearts of social workers/missionaires. Seriously, we're all people who in life have busted our butts for others, but never for ourselves. Maybe we all lack self esteem. There's got to be some twisted psychologial/sociological explanation as to why this is. The dynamics of our bond is really something else. I could sware Cathy (my boss) is my anglo-saxon mother. Janet the HR woman is like my grandma on my dad's side (we didn't get along too well), Debra is like my father, she says few words to me but with one look she puts me in my place. I dunno I could go on forever. Even the volunteers are good tho. The best thing at this point would be for the cure to Alzheimer's to be put on the market, and we be laid off with real notice, that way I wouldn't feel like a dick for walking out on them.

Ziggy??

I bought a fish today. I hope he lives to see April. Beta fish don't live very long, but I am hoping my little guy does. I am not sure what to name him. I am trapped between Ziggy, Theodore, and Cheech. Jesse says I should name him Ziggy. We'll see.

So today was also the first work-day of 2009 for me. It was pretty busy but not stressful, until... we all get an e-mail that says we have a staff meeting tomorrow and a mandatory 6 hour staff meeting next week! 6 hours!! Grossaroo. I was told people will be laid off tomorrow so all I can do is wait and see. Whatever happens, they better give me time to take Ziggy, Cheech, or Theodore. I doubt I'll be laid off but one can never be too sure at the non-profit. I hope I don't lose any office pals. I may not be genuinely interested in a lot of co-workers lives but my non-profit folks are different (strangely enough). We all have some heart, and we're all good people who have for the most part always gotten the shit end of the stick in life. 

hmmm...

So Oprah is fucking fat again. Big whoop. Lady get a friggin' trainer like Beyonce, eat right, and have the occasional drink. Love yourself first and the rest will follow. Some of us were just made to be chubby (me). We aren't built waif. We're brown. Well of color I should say.  I think Oprah needs to chill. Maybe I should call her and tell her. Maybe Gale is popping fat pills into Oprah's food. Maybe Steadmon is cheating on her and she's stressed or depressed. All i know is that my chubby ass is getting to the gym more often and trying to stop eating so much fast food. I keep forgetting I will soon be a brides maid.