Poor.

I'm super broke lately. Money lasts' about 30 minutes in my account and then bam! it's gone. It's not like I have been shopping or getting massages, I just don't know wtf happens to my pay check. This whole furlough thing has really taken a dump in my wallet. I can't even have lunch out of the office once a week like I used to. The other crazy thing is that my debt is totally out of hand too. I was doing so well not charging stuff, and making big payments on my cards but since October when I got in the car accident and paid the 1000 buck deductible, and then flew to Mexico to be at my grandfather's funeral my balance has not gone down. This weekend when I was in San Diego I treated myself to 2 cd's and I kinda wish I hadn't. Who buys cd's nowadays, I know. I do. I also buy lp's, but that's another story. I haven't bought any clothes in months and I was hoping to do so before our little Coachella outing. I just wanted a nice comfy dress and a new backpack. I will be frequenting the beach a lot this summer and will need a backpack to stuff with lotions and a beach towel. I know how lame. Whatever. I have money in savings but I don't want to take it out and pay my credit cards because I may need that cash for other stuff. But who am I kidding? Monica's wedding isn't till September so that does give me some time to save. I hate worrying about money. I have still been looking for other jobs but I have not had any luck. At times I think about going back to A+ but I think it would be a step back. I need at least 2 years of non-profit experience if I want to try and get my MPA once I graduate. I know I haven't even gotten my bachelors and I am already thinking about an MPA. I hope we get a 2 million dollar donation at work so that I can get a raise this year. This is my second year w/o a raise. Shitty. Shitty. SHIIIITTY. All my friends get raises and bonuses and I get neither. waa waa waaaah!

Patterns.

So Thursday I skipped school and went to happy hour with Jesse and some of his family, and had some really strong margarita's. Friday I got a great buzz and sang Tone Loc's Wild Thing during karaoke at the Smog Cutter, last night was a family party where I almost had more booze but decided not to because I started to see a pattern. I went from 1 beer a year to a 6 pack a month. I know it doesn't sound like a lot but for me it is. I'm the daughter of one of the greatest drinkers I know who comes from a long line of alcoholics. It's easy to take drinks and feel good because it really does take some of the week's stress away. I understand why people turn to drugs, because it's numbing and kinda fun. The hangover wasn't good though.
If I would have gotten some of the news I got on Saturday, on Friday you bet your ass I would have been shitfaced at the bar on Friday not just buzzed. My dad is back to his old casanova habits, and his life is being threatened in places he is all too familiar with. No news on my grandma yet, but they say no news is good news right? Yesterday after I spoke to my sister and got the shitty news, I took a long walk to the bank where I had to transfer some cash. On my walk I just prayed and had a super long conversation with God. Yeah I'm a believer. Who knows who or what God is, but I do believe there is one.
Anywhoo...Tomorrow starts a new week of work, and school. The routine is way past old but it's sort of comforting. This friday I have another furlough day, and I will try and put some stuff up on Ebay. I have some hoodies, some shoes, and some bags that I could do away with. I may take a trip to the American Way and see if I can invest 10 bucks into my Ebay venture. 4 days of work as opposed to 5 sounds great. My pay check may be shitty but it's kind nice to have that extra day to just sleep in or whatever.

no title

I know I constantly bitch about work in the writing but honestly, it's bad. The past two days have been craptastic. I try to ignore the situation and go about my business but it's hard. The fact is that I am over worked, under paid, and highly stressed. As if work weren't enough to make me lose it, today I got a call from my mom to let me know that my grandma has a brain tumor. She's 91, and lately she's been having vision problems. On her most recent examination the dr. looked into possible reasons why her vision is screwed and they found that what she has is a tumor which is pressuring some nerves which could even cause her to go into a vegetative state. Crazy. Surgery at her age is very dangerous as well but she is willing to take her chances. God bless her. I hope things turn out for the best. She's a tough cookie but since she lost my grandpa in October things have gone down hill.
School on the other hand doesn't stress me out. School makes me want to be a better person. I like it.
Today I went to Jesse's basketball game and of course they lost as usual (no really, it's ok, they always lose, they have embraced it). As his game came to an end and the next two teams showed up for their game I couldn't help but notice that the dude from Desperate Housewives was on one of the teams. His name is James Denton. He's kinda cute but not really. He's thin and way Anglo. no bueno.

spelling

I got an email back from the woman whom I interviewed with last week and she said she thought I was a good fit, so she would be contacting my references. Today while I was in the valley office and my references were in the L.A. office they each got a call. One gave me a stellar reference but the other stated that I made spelling errors, when she was asked what my areas of improvement were. I dunno how to feel about that. Spelling errors? That makes me sounds like a dip shit who can't use spell check. Then again it also could seem like I'm so awesome that I only need to improve on menial shit. She also gave me a 9 on a scale of 1-10, because in her world "no one is perfect", yes that may be true but can you lie? Shit. Perhaps there's some hating going on there but oh well. I dunno but I hope it goes through with this job. I hope it pays a crap load more than what I make now. It will definitely help if it does because I was just told we have more furloughs, and to tell you the truth working there sucks now. Morale is low, there's no room for growth, no raises, no nothing. I am not learning a damned thing and I don't even make an effort to impress my boss anymore. I feel like I am stuck in a rut and with my self diagnosed ADD I need things to remain fresh and new. Send positive thoughts please.

er.

I just got out of the ER for food poisoning this morning around 7:00 however, there's this man eating a whopper sitting directly infront of me at school and it looks damn good. I haven't had a friggin burger in over a month. Once my stomach is back to normal, it's time. Ok enough about that I gotta get to class.