Control

Today the Castros and everyone's favorite Korean, Richard and I went to see the long anticipated film, Control. It's a story about Ian Curtis from his late teen years until his suicide which i guess was about 6 years of a hot mess. The story is pretty accurate from what I know of the Joy Division front man. They showed the Epilepsy, the pill use, the great songwriting ability, the upper cut punch dance, and the suicide. It was a very well made film. I would imagine it's hard to make a film about such a mystery as was Ian Curtis. He never really vented, he was a trooper for the most part, but sadness and inability to cope with his illness, love, and the band got the best of him. He vented though song but yet at times he hated performing. Anyway, the film is good. I give it a 7.333 (Goodfellas being a 10, great directing, great actors, great costumes, great music, great story line, great everything). During the film you get to hear a lot of great JD tunes, including my favorite Digital. In the ending scene when he commits suicide and his wife finds him, and the music starts it's so fucken sad that i considered crying but didn't for fear that I may find myself crying for reasons outside of the film and not for the film itself. If you didn't understand that it's ok I don't expect you to. So whatever. go watch the film, and go home and throw on your copy of Unknown Pleasures.
I think I should get Control tattooed on my right wrist. Not only because I am as many of you may know a control freak, but I control things with my right hand, I also love the song She's Lost Control (for obvs. reasons), and I also have fond memories of the song Control by Janet Jackson. When I was a kid my sister Lili and I created a dance routine to the song Control and we would make my cousins dance to it when they would come over in the summers. Control is essential in life. You need to take control of your emotions, your mind, your heart, your job, your financial situation, and most importantly your peace of mind. This weekend I kinda of feel like a terrible person because I had to abstain from talking to a certain person who has no control of his/her life and in return was making me lose my peace of mind. That person will probably never read this and that is fine. There are people out there that come to you when things are great and want to celebrate that with you either with a phone call or a high five, but there are those who only come to you when things are shitty, want you to hear them out, whine whine whine, and then when things are well again they could give a rats ass about you. I have no problem with people coming to me and sharing what they are going through because if there's one thing I enjoy in life is making others life easier. If me listening to you is going to make you feel better, or if my assistance can be of any help in anyway then by all means hollar. I am one of those people who does enjoy actively listening to others, and if my bitchface can help you feel better then great. But if you are just gonna come whine whine whine, ask for advice, and pretend we never spoke about anything then forget you. I whole heartedly give things without expectations and there's a difference when it comes to folks who are advantageous (?), and those who are just having a crappy set of days and need a set of ears and a hug. Pretty much what I am saying is i hate being taken advantage of and I hate being taken for granted. We all have problems, some might be bigger than others, but we need to learn to take control of these things. I now blog, others snap, and bitch.

birthday weekend pt.2

More birthday fun. if the past 2 weeks are any indication of what 27 is going to be then that's pretty damn good. This past weekend mr. eddie garcia put together an enchanted evening to celebrate his birthday and the other october babies (jesse, his friend lorie, me & I also celebrated for JR. who was not there but I thought of him and his birthday as well) at club 33 at Disneyland with the help of his friend eric. Since thursday I had noticed that my depression and anxiety was coming back and i felt really out of it for the entire week, so Disneyland sounded kinda good but in my fucked up serotonin-less world being there was kinda warped. I made the best of it and thanks to Jesse, Raul, Stacey, Kelly, Vanessa, Eddie, Elvia (who I had a pretty good talk about law school and budget cuts with), and eddie's friends I mustered up energy and focus and made it through the day and night.
I have been battling this monster that many people battle for over 5 years (3 w/drugs, and 2 w/o). I have become a lot better at getting by with it, but getting by is just not enough. Last night I went to barnes and nobles and bought The Autobiography of a Yogi, and Healing Affirmations. After reading 1/3 of Healing Affirmations I felt a lot better. It's really a thing of mind over matter but sometimes my mind feels like its literally away from my being and it's tough. But anyway that book opened my eyes to the obvious, which is the power of positive thought. I really have to practice what I preach tho. It's going to take baby steps but if I can get through this crappy feeling/mental state I can do anything. For the most part all is well, but if you see me when I'm down please help a sista get up.

dancing, happy birthday, morrissey, gift card, day off

So friday we kicked off birthday weekend! Friday Jesse, Raul, and I went to the arclight to see the Darjeeling Limited. I liked it because it was Wes Anderson visuals but I didn't like it because it wasn't enough Wes Anderson writing. Not enough punchlines. This one was of the serious tone. The soundtrack was good as always. This time he opted for mostly Kinks and Indian tunes.
SATURDAY! We went to the Detour festival and caught the comedians of comedy (hilarious!), kinky, lots of dj sets, and JUSTICE! we danced like it was 1999! I really had an ass load of fun. Sunday, birthday brunch with the kids @HOME. I love that place. Jesse gets boyfriend of the year for being awesome and really going out of his way for me on a day when i realized that i will soon be out of my 20's, I was missing my family, and i was PMS'ing.
Birthday weekend was a 4 day weekend this year because last night I saw what was probably my 3rd favorite Morrissey performance ever! The Castro's and I sang the night away at the Palladium, and yes he played Tomorrow, The Loop, and "Rucky Risp". Morrissey still gives me the chills and makes me giddy like a 14 year old in the quad.
Work is still good, and this week i get friday off since we get a day off on our birthday (boner!) and since my birthday was on sunday they let me choose any day of the week. SO since friday is payday, and I have a buttload of gift cards to use friday will be my day off!
Today Kelly and I started a walking routine which will hopefully turn into a jogging routine. On thursday, I will help Stacey find a home, in the Valley. It's not as bad as people say it is.