updates.

Junior year of college at CSUN has officially begun. It's not as exciting as it sounds. Work is really dragging me down these days. There's too much of it, and since there is so much of it I find myself screwing up a lot more often. I need to relax, and prioritize. I'm so concerned with getting things done that I keep screwing up. Tomorrow will be better, I know it will.
So far my classes are a breeze. They'd be even more of a breeze if I'd remember to bring my glasses. I keep forgetting them and I end up squinting for 80 minutes. My online class is going real well too. Ironically enough that's the class with the most work. I thought it was going to be 2 paper kind of class but I was wrong. Back to work...
I am currently applying for different jobs. My job is sooo unstable right now it's not even funny. I guess most people's are at this time. The economy is in real shitty shape. I am trying not to give into the hype because regardless of the economy my ass always lives pay check to pay check. It's tough to watch the news these days. Today some man killed his wife and 5 kids because they had just both lost their jobs. Didn't he ever think of looking for another job? Hadn't he heard of temp agencies? This shitty economy is not the end of the world, it's just time to start new budgets and living within our means. I will now go to class and begin the squinting.

burn after listening

So at today's baby shower for our public policy director (right after lunch, in the conference room), my co-woker (a middle aged mother of two who is going through a divorce) approaches me and asks me if I am familiar with Chuck Klosterman. I told her that yes, unfortunately I am familiar with him. When I was interning for Vibe and Spin he was still at the Spin office. Anywho apparently, he became a writer, a writer of books. In one of those books he "digs deep" into the oddity that is Morrissey's latino fan base. big whoop, so 10 years ago. Anywho she proceeded to tell me that she was reading this book and she thought of me. I was a little irritated but since I am the little Mexican Morrissey fan in the office, why not? The shoe fits. right. no. Anyway, I told her that I hadn't read his book but that I was sure he stated the reasons why us brownies love him so much as being... being the children of immigrants, feeling like an outsider, being passionate, digging 50's cinema, love for classic hollywood style, and of couse loving James Dean. She said "yes! you are right on!". I told her that for me my love was just based on good music and none of those ridiculous reasons. I shared with her that I remember hearing Unhappy Birthday when I was 14 on 91x in San Diego and thinking "this song is fucken awesome, who sings this". The real obsession began my senior year of high school, and since then has not come to an end. I don't care for James Dean, and being the child of immigrants doesn't make me feel like an outsider. Afterall this was Mexico, immigrants whatever. I grew up in towns where Spanish was spoken all the time, my English is awesome, and I don't feel like I have to prove anything to anyone other than myself. OK so I digress, I asked my co-worker if she had ever heard of the Smiths and she said "hmmm, the name sounds familiar". So I came home today and burned her a few Smiths cd's. I don't know if I am helping her or hurting her. Once you start you can't stop when it comes to the Smiths. Especially when you are going through a period of despair. She will either love it and want more or be shocked by it and spread rumors that I am depressed. Oh well, I will take my chances.

4.5

That was the magnitude of the earthquake that Jesse and I just felt while sinking our teeth into fish tacos at Rubio's in Glendale. None of our friends or family members felt it, I am assuming... because we didn't get any follow up calls.
Great... I forgot to buy Ziggy a net. I was just at Target, oh well. I am not fit to be a fish owner. There has been a lot of drama in the past 2 days and perhaps that is the reason I am forgetful. Sharon (my supervisor), Deon (fellow assistant), Jason (fellow assistant), and Michelle (assistant/confidant) all got laid off yesterday. I can't even begin to express how horrible it felt to watch those news be delivered to each and everyone of them. Our HR person at work is not the best. She means well, and as a former HR assistant I know HR is not easy and you have to have a mean face, but they way that these co-workers of mine were informed that they were being laid off was terrible. Not only was it done at 9:30 A.M. but it was down right embarrassing. We (the 5-8 people that sit in my area) did not need to see all of this go on, whatever happened to getting a phone call and being asked to "please come to my office" at the end of the workday. I thought I worked at a non-profit where people have compassion. Apparently not.
So what do these lay off's mean to me? More work. I am now drowning under more stacks of files, registration forms, emails, memo's, and minutes. Why do I stay? Am I masochistic? Yes, to a certain degree. I think I have to draw the line soon though. It's just so hard for me to leave this bunch of co-workers. They are all good people who make bad decisions due to wearing hearts on sleeves, and those hearts are hearts of social workers/missionaires. Seriously, we're all people who in life have busted our butts for others, but never for ourselves. Maybe we all lack self esteem. There's got to be some twisted psychologial/sociological explanation as to why this is. The dynamics of our bond is really something else. I could sware Cathy (my boss) is my anglo-saxon mother. Janet the HR woman is like my grandma on my dad's side (we didn't get along too well), Debra is like my father, she says few words to me but with one look she puts me in my place. I dunno I could go on forever. Even the volunteers are good tho. The best thing at this point would be for the cure to Alzheimer's to be put on the market, and we be laid off with real notice, that way I wouldn't feel like a dick for walking out on them.

Ziggy??

I bought a fish today. I hope he lives to see April. Beta fish don't live very long, but I am hoping my little guy does. I am not sure what to name him. I am trapped between Ziggy, Theodore, and Cheech. Jesse says I should name him Ziggy. We'll see.

So today was also the first work-day of 2009 for me. It was pretty busy but not stressful, until... we all get an e-mail that says we have a staff meeting tomorrow and a mandatory 6 hour staff meeting next week! 6 hours!! Grossaroo. I was told people will be laid off tomorrow so all I can do is wait and see. Whatever happens, they better give me time to take Ziggy, Cheech, or Theodore. I doubt I'll be laid off but one can never be too sure at the non-profit. I hope I don't lose any office pals. I may not be genuinely interested in a lot of co-workers lives but my non-profit folks are different (strangely enough). We all have some heart, and we're all good people who have for the most part always gotten the shit end of the stick in life. 

hmmm...

So Oprah is fucking fat again. Big whoop. Lady get a friggin' trainer like Beyonce, eat right, and have the occasional drink. Love yourself first and the rest will follow. Some of us were just made to be chubby (me). We aren't built waif. We're brown. Well of color I should say.  I think Oprah needs to chill. Maybe I should call her and tell her. Maybe Gale is popping fat pills into Oprah's food. Maybe Steadmon is cheating on her and she's stressed or depressed. All i know is that my chubby ass is getting to the gym more often and trying to stop eating so much fast food. I keep forgetting I will soon be a brides maid.