quiet riot.

I often find myself wondering why I even come in to work. For example today, my boss is out of town, and my 2 supervisors are away. I'm done with most of my assignments, and have a lot of quiet time due to my efficient-ality. Yeah it's totally a word. If only I had more vacation time racked up I could take a few days off and watch loads of tv, or spend sometime cleaning out my kitchen, pantry, and counters (tv sounds so much better).
Not too much has happened in the last few weeks. School is out and I got my grades, 2 A's and a C. I think the C is there to keep me grounded. Whatever, I could have gotten an A but I was totally lazy and tired of the professor who makes the students teach the class so he can just come in stoned everyday and rant about how the government is not our friend. I believe that, but he's borderline anarchist.
Jesse has a big interview today, everyone must send positive vibes! He's so cute, I love him. Last night, I helped him find an outfit for today's interview and he was so proud of himself because he found pants which bring out a subtle hint of charcoal in his tie. And who says my overloading on What Not To Wear doesn't contribute to society?! So anyway, I hope he gets this job. It will make him happier, and he'll get to learn more and use stuff he learned in school this past semester. The interview is at 2:00 and it's barely 10:05 and I'm nervous for him.
The Lakers are doing a spectacular job again so we've been spending a lot of time watching them on tv. My Lakers crush (aside from handsome Kobe) Sasha Vujajic (sp?) isn't doing so well. I hope he whips himself into shape because I wanna see him enjoy his championship. I may even make it to the Laker parade. Anyway, that was kind of odd but whatever I hope they win.
This week will be pretty mellow. The craziness of all of my recent health scares is over and looks like i'm alright. I have been feeling some dull annoying pain (it doesn't hurt but it does annoy) on the right side of my upper abs (yeah, my buff ass abs lol). I don't want to scare myself by spending hours on Webmd. But if the pain continues I'm gonna go see the dr. Bleh.
My new tv obsession is Obsessed on A&E. Ironic, no? Watch it.

Dun duh duh dun.

School is pretty much done for the semester. It sure did fly by. Tomorrow I just have to turn in my final paper and that's it. Today I have the day off and I feel like I should be doing something but I'm still in bed. I watched a lot of Bravo, and now I'm listening to the new Wilco album which is so far so good. Not spectacular but maybe it will grow on me.
Things have been pretty relaxed lately except for a tiny scare I had on Monday. I went to my well woman yearly exam and the n.p. thinks she felt something in each of my boobs so she's sending me to get an ultrasound. I'm not worrying yet, but it is sitting in the back of my mind. It could be hormonal, it could be a cyst, and yes it could be a cancerous growth but I'm not going to think that. I'm going to wait and see what I am told next Friday. Chances are it's hormonal. The chances of breast cancer at 28 are not likely but not unheard of either. I do take the pill and have been taking it for 7 years so that is a contributing factor. For now, I'll just see what happens.
This weekend I get to go to San Diego and hangout with my mom, mich, and monica. Last weekend I went with Monica to get her gown. I like it. It's good for her height, and skin tone. Now she just needs to find a location. She was going to do Vegas but now that's iffy.

Keeping in touch.

I haven't written a blog in a while, and that's because things have been looking up. Usually when I write blogs it's because I'm angry or sad and need a release. However, that's not the case today. I am kind of just checking in. I found this website called Plinky that's supposed to help with writer's block. That's where my previous post about Light in the Attic came from. I'm going to keep logging on to Plinky because it makes for good practice.
In the past few weeks things have been better. Work is no longer a pain, school is down to the last 3 weeks, my spending is in check, and my debt has decreased. I feel good overall but I do find myself missing my family a lot more. Maybe it's a good thing that there aren't any summer classes available for me to take. This will hopefully allow me to visit them more often.
I took a break from everything last week and headed out to Coachella with Jesse, Jr., and Kim. The desert is so great. It's just this vast arid place filled with elderly folks who aren't phased by shit. I admire that about the elderly. I am not phased by much but there are still those few things that get me. Ignorant people, unhappy people, bad vibes, bills, and exercise. I'm not the best person in the world but I do work on it and most people don't. It's sad to lead a life where you think your shit doesn't stink yet you're so full of shit it plugs up your nostrils. I don't know if that made sense or if it was stupid but whocares, you get it.

A Light in the Attic brings me back

It reminds me of fun times. Innocent laughs, & grade school friends.

Poor.

I'm super broke lately. Money lasts' about 30 minutes in my account and then bam! it's gone. It's not like I have been shopping or getting massages, I just don't know wtf happens to my pay check. This whole furlough thing has really taken a dump in my wallet. I can't even have lunch out of the office once a week like I used to. The other crazy thing is that my debt is totally out of hand too. I was doing so well not charging stuff, and making big payments on my cards but since October when I got in the car accident and paid the 1000 buck deductible, and then flew to Mexico to be at my grandfather's funeral my balance has not gone down. This weekend when I was in San Diego I treated myself to 2 cd's and I kinda wish I hadn't. Who buys cd's nowadays, I know. I do. I also buy lp's, but that's another story. I haven't bought any clothes in months and I was hoping to do so before our little Coachella outing. I just wanted a nice comfy dress and a new backpack. I will be frequenting the beach a lot this summer and will need a backpack to stuff with lotions and a beach towel. I know how lame. Whatever. I have money in savings but I don't want to take it out and pay my credit cards because I may need that cash for other stuff. But who am I kidding? Monica's wedding isn't till September so that does give me some time to save. I hate worrying about money. I have still been looking for other jobs but I have not had any luck. At times I think about going back to A+ but I think it would be a step back. I need at least 2 years of non-profit experience if I want to try and get my MPA once I graduate. I know I haven't even gotten my bachelors and I am already thinking about an MPA. I hope we get a 2 million dollar donation at work so that I can get a raise this year. This is my second year w/o a raise. Shitty. Shitty. SHIIIITTY. All my friends get raises and bonuses and I get neither. waa waa waaaah!

Patterns.

So Thursday I skipped school and went to happy hour with Jesse and some of his family, and had some really strong margarita's. Friday I got a great buzz and sang Tone Loc's Wild Thing during karaoke at the Smog Cutter, last night was a family party where I almost had more booze but decided not to because I started to see a pattern. I went from 1 beer a year to a 6 pack a month. I know it doesn't sound like a lot but for me it is. I'm the daughter of one of the greatest drinkers I know who comes from a long line of alcoholics. It's easy to take drinks and feel good because it really does take some of the week's stress away. I understand why people turn to drugs, because it's numbing and kinda fun. The hangover wasn't good though.
If I would have gotten some of the news I got on Saturday, on Friday you bet your ass I would have been shitfaced at the bar on Friday not just buzzed. My dad is back to his old casanova habits, and his life is being threatened in places he is all too familiar with. No news on my grandma yet, but they say no news is good news right? Yesterday after I spoke to my sister and got the shitty news, I took a long walk to the bank where I had to transfer some cash. On my walk I just prayed and had a super long conversation with God. Yeah I'm a believer. Who knows who or what God is, but I do believe there is one.
Anywhoo...Tomorrow starts a new week of work, and school. The routine is way past old but it's sort of comforting. This friday I have another furlough day, and I will try and put some stuff up on Ebay. I have some hoodies, some shoes, and some bags that I could do away with. I may take a trip to the American Way and see if I can invest 10 bucks into my Ebay venture. 4 days of work as opposed to 5 sounds great. My pay check may be shitty but it's kind nice to have that extra day to just sleep in or whatever.

no title

I know I constantly bitch about work in the writing but honestly, it's bad. The past two days have been craptastic. I try to ignore the situation and go about my business but it's hard. The fact is that I am over worked, under paid, and highly stressed. As if work weren't enough to make me lose it, today I got a call from my mom to let me know that my grandma has a brain tumor. She's 91, and lately she's been having vision problems. On her most recent examination the dr. looked into possible reasons why her vision is screwed and they found that what she has is a tumor which is pressuring some nerves which could even cause her to go into a vegetative state. Crazy. Surgery at her age is very dangerous as well but she is willing to take her chances. God bless her. I hope things turn out for the best. She's a tough cookie but since she lost my grandpa in October things have gone down hill.
School on the other hand doesn't stress me out. School makes me want to be a better person. I like it.
Today I went to Jesse's basketball game and of course they lost as usual (no really, it's ok, they always lose, they have embraced it). As his game came to an end and the next two teams showed up for their game I couldn't help but notice that the dude from Desperate Housewives was on one of the teams. His name is James Denton. He's kinda cute but not really. He's thin and way Anglo. no bueno.